I completed the text for this article before I left for an LPL Conference in March 2024, but the keynote speaker re-engaged my pen. Ben Nemtin is the author of, “The Bucket List Journal “. He gave a talk advocating the value of establishing a list of items someone wished to accomplish throughout their lifetime. It got me thinking.
Ben pointed out an amazing statistic. “When researchers from Cornell University asked thousands of people on their deathbeds to name the biggest regret in their life, 76% of the participants had the same answer: “Not fulfilling my ideal self”. The conclusion of the academic study was clear. The top regret people have at the end of their life is not regretting something they did, it's regretting something they didn't do. This observation can have a profound influence on how someone may redirect their life.
The message resonated with me for several reasons. Even though creating New Year's Resolutions sounds outdated and corny, I've diligently made up a detailed list of what I wanted to accomplish each year throughout my adult life and referred to it periodically as the year unfolded. However, a bucket list that spans a lifetime is a new idea to me.
The second reason the notion is so appealing is that it has application as a tool for our financial planning firm. For years, as part of our fact-finding process, I have asked clients to explain what they planned to do with their free time once retired and had the time to pursue other interests.
Surprisingly, few people had developed well-defined goals as to what to do after they retired. It's as if retirement itself was the goal. It's not; it is merely an interlude from one stage of life to another. What someone does with this windfall of time is up to their financial resources, health, and intellectual curiosity. Take a couple both aged 67 and in good health, who retire. They stand a 50% probability that one will live beyond age 90. That’s a lot of time to address unfulfilled dreams and aspirations.
As you might suspect, I encourage everyone who will listen to travel to places beyond their imagination while they could do so. It strikes me as odd to hear a recital of excuses, alibies, rationalizations and justifications for NOT doing what they say they want to do.
The image of a giant hourglass is helpful. At the beginning of retirement, the top half is full of sand, and it slips down slowly. As time goes on, the speed seems to accelerate until toward the end the sand appears to be pouring down at a frantic pace.
For those in semi-retirement or retirement, the Bucket List may include many aspects that were unavailable when their lives were consumed with work and childbearing tasks.
Ben, the author, now age 48 started his bucket list with 100 items when he was in his early twenties. For older readers, it is only fair to start with a much shorter list. Perhaps those in their 40s should consider 50 items daunting enough. At age 76, I'm going to place 15 items on my list with the hopes I live long enough to cross them all off.
He encourages the participants to find a partner to share the list and hold the list producer accountable. The ten categories that I include here may be helpful.
Travel & Adventure - Where have you always dreamed of going? What is that unusual experience you yearn to do? Be bold!
Physical Health - This category is easy to address because most of us slip up in this area and can find room for improvement. Make the list positive and attainable.
Material Possessions - There is nothing wrong with owning things that bring happiness. There is a fine line between wanting to impress others and receiving compliments to stroke one’s ego and a severe desire to possess fine objects to spark joy and pride within you.
Financial - I've spent my entire adult life trying to solve the vexing riddle for my clients of how much money is enough. Conversely, how much is too much? My experience is that both extremes are to be avoided. Sitting across from someone who has failed to provide enough financial resources to meet their retirement needs is gut-wrenching. Handing a tissue to a surviving spouse who is left with insufficient income to satisfy basic needs of their family when the primary breadwinner passes is heartbreaking. Most tragic are the circumstances in which the client was given the opportunity to provide for a secure lifestyle but thoughtlessly or recklessly made poor decisions that thwarted their success.
It may strike the reader as odd to point out that some people have too much money. I'll explain. If a person allocates an undue amount of their time working for money yet lacks the ability to enjoy it because the accumulation becomes an end of itself. If they never enjoy the fruits of their labor it's disquieting to witness. I’m rich! Okay, so what?
Also, the principle of “Diminishing Returns” is real. Once someone has sufficient income and assets to meet their lifestyle needs the excess becomes difficult to quantify. The line between material possessions and raw ego gratification is obliterated. For the CEO of a major corporation, whose compensation package exceeded 30 million in the past year, to feel compelled to shake down the Board for a few more million is a source of wonder. I can't do the math on how that additional money adds any value to someone who already has all the homes, furniture, cars, yachts, vacations, clothes, and toys that they can possibly use during their life. Don’t get me (or better yet, Nancy) going crazy on the unconscionable compensation packages of professional athletes.
Creative endeavors - Most employed people find it difficult to set aside the time necessary to engage in activities that exploit their latent creative talents or skills. The freedom of retirement opens a window to allow someone to pursue interests heretofore unavailable. Take the opportunity to indulge yourself in a new experience. What did you always want to do, but never had the time? What skill are you good at but never could focus on honing? If not now, when?
Intellectual Curiosity - The same principles that apply to creativity apply to intellectual curiosity. Did you ever encounter someone that you haven't seen in a while and ask them how they are doing? How do you react if they say, “Same old, same old, nothing new!” Inadvertently, they are telling you that they live a mundane life that is not based on seeking accomplishments.
Contrast your reaction to someone who excitedly wants to share with you the progress they are making on fulfilling an item on their bucket list. This could include learning to play chess, becoming a competitive contract bridge player, submitting an entry to a photography contest, or traveling to a foreign country. Who do you want to spend time with? Who do you want to be?
Mental Health - Perhaps the most overlooked aspect of the quest for happiness is the attention given to emotional stability and a healthy attitude toward life. Fortunately, I've been spared the agony of experiencing the premature loss of a spouse or child; or suffering through a debilitating divorce. However, witnessing emotional stress in my role as an advisor to clients is part of the job. We make every effort to passionately empathize with the circumstances expressed. The reason I put this among items to put on a bucket list is because overcoming emotional stress must be a priority that supersedes others. Without the ability to think clearly and make decisions devoid of emotional attachments, it is impossible to effectively address other items on the list.
Family Relationships - Maintaining excellent family relationships must be a high priority on any bucket list. This is the one mandate that never goes away. Life is too short to let frivolous disagreements, political differences, or petty bickering interfere with the fun that a good family can create together.
Personal Relationships- Finding people you care about and care about you is a treasure to nurture. Discovering friends who accept you without qualifications or expectations is made easier when you reach out to them first and give them positive energy. Identify the people that matter in your life and pledge to connect as an important item on your bucket list.
Community Service - Aside from my family, my heroes are from the field of social services. Right below them are the individuals I've gotten to know who continuously and unflinchingly give the time and talent to make the world a better place with no regard for renumeration. They do work that adds value to society because they can…period. The list you create of how to contribute beyond your own self-consumed orbit will be the most rewarding item on your bucket list.
Charitable Giving - The items on this list have the same motive as community services, but specifically provide for a financial commitment. This can take many forms. Here is a rule that sounds obvious, but it's not: don't give money to organizations that don't need it. Hopefully, that's self-explanatory.
My final thought... Even if Nancy and I live to age 95, by the year 2142, we would be dead for 100 years. We’ll be joined by all our now-living relatives and friends. People I never met will live in the house we built in 1988. Hopefully, the Trex deck we installed in 2022 and will still be used for barbeque. The furniture, cars, clothes, and artifacts we acquired over a lifetime will be buried in a dump or owned by someone we don't know. The plaques and certificates on my office walls may temporarily be stored in one of our children’s attics until they move and are thrown into a trash bin where they belong.
After we die, we will be remembered for a few more years, then we are reduced to a portrait on someone's bookshelf; and a few years later our history, photos, and accomplishments will disappear into oblivion.
Our heirs won't know anything about how we lived, what we thought, our values and beliefs, or what joy we received from our lives. They won't know how much Nancy and I loved each other. Nobody will comprehend the excitement we felt in seeing and listening to our grandchildren tell us their stories. Those details of life will never be unearthed. Except as a passing glance in a photo album, nobody will remember us outside a reference point in an ancestry search.
Either you control your life or intervening events will control you. The latter is enormously facilitated by adding organizational structure to your daily life. It is made possible by taking the time to focus on what is important to you and then get it. To be more precise, the two questions are: What do you love to do? Do you have the time and ability to accomplish those visions? Do it!